Shoot Your Shot Season

• community chest: can we make it, like…easier to ask someone out?

• peer review: what some of my friends had to say about asking/being asked out

• community action: for 2 weeks, throw caution to the wind. ask your crush out on a date and be gentle if you have to decline anyone

🫂 community chest

A few years ago I was invited to a sex party by a guy I was dating at the time. I've talked about this before, but a specific detail about that party that's relevant to what we're talking about today is 🥁drum roll🥁 consent. Not just the asking and giving of it, but also the delivery and how it's received. The crash course we got at this party, after your interview (yes...yes) was essentially, ask before you engage and if you're not interested, decline politely. If you're declined, accept it graciously. Everybody moves on feeling good. The overarching theme: don't be an asshole.

Simple as it was, making that the house rule at the top of the party did a lot for how people generally engaged with each other and I think the same could be said and applied to dating. Ultimately, it helped take some of sting out of what could already be an uncomfortable experience for most people.

Nothing about this is groundbreaking. Like...at all. But sometimes it's helpful having a reminder of something you already know, and seeing it in a familiar context can help you recognize the situations where it should be applied. Of the myriad reasons many of us are single (not looking, commitment-phobic, fear of vulnerability, difficulty trusting, etc.), being afraid of putting yourself out there and the response you'll get feels like a pretty easy item we can collectively work to scratch off the gay agenda. Everything else though? You niggas really have to, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart, find. a therapist.

👨🏽‍🤝‍👨🏾👨🏿‍🤝‍👨🏾peer review

I got some friends to share their answers to a couple questions that you can check out on my IG story @byryansides, but Taylor’s thought below was definitely the through line of them all.

👨🏾‍🔧 community action

Without getting into the desirability or masc/femme conversations (later, I promise.) we know that the major roles in courting are the pursuer and the pursued. ✨Shout out to those of us who've reached the final level of healthy, reciprocal and exciting MUTUAL pursuit.✨ We also know which of these we tend to fall into most frequently. For everyone that’s most often pursued, I'd challenge you to step out and do some pursuing, and for everydamnbody the homework is mindful interactions.

• Can you clearly and kindly state your interest in someone in a way that's complimentary but not overbearing, entitled or hard to read?

• Are you able to hear someone's interest in you in a way that's open and receptive to whatever nice things they say about you without making them feel stupid or discounting the nice things they say about you?

• And the most important, can you respect someone's rejection peaceably or reject someone respectfully, and then mutually walk away from the situation with boundaries and feelings largely in tact?

📝 The Homework

This week, as we gear up for a summer that the girlies are already forecasting could rival 2016 (either you was afuera, or you wasn't!) the goal is to give it a try. Shoot your shots over the next two weeks, put a couple Ws on the board by asking out your crush, learn from your Ls in the times when they decline your advances. When someone hits you up because you’re their crush, but you might not be feeling them, remember we had this conversation and be (clear but) gentle and report back to Coach (ME, duh!) asap so I can write about (y)OUR business in the next issue of SURF. Shoot me an email to [email protected] or just reply to this one with how things go.

I believe in you bb 😌🫶🏾

@heyshawnygirl

#summer16vibes #summer #countdowntosummer #summer2016 #summer2023countdown